An Impish Guide to an Upward Spiral

steal someone’s thing and act like it’s yours
build a hill out of dirt, jump it on a citi bike
delete 500 images off your phone
pervert your studio project
make your studio project uncomfortably personal, cry during review
don’t feign interest
be a person not an idol not a role model
get physical
get desperate
craft a contentious truism to live by
be bicurious if you aren’t currently
make something you’re proud of, destroy it before anyone sees
stare at the piece of the sky that’s right next to the sun
suspend disbelief and take utter responsibility for everything that has ever happened to you
run, fight, party, faint, lie, kiss, chase, sneak, bite, sob, climb, steal, scream, hide
get plastic surgery to look more uncanny
spam ifunny with marxist-leninist rage comics
evangelize vulgarity and depravity
heighten an already high situation
gnaw on the bone of a chicken wing until it dissolves
reframe your lack as white space
destroy a prized possession
create a piece of body horror media
assume you’re beloved
embody wire mother
take a cold shower with an enemy until you make amends
have a slumber party in a tree
do anything it takes to get to Gora Zarkasa
delay gratification until it never comes

Post-Crash Consumption Index

Water Pie

• 1 9 inch deep dish pie crust, unbak- - - ed
• 1 1/2 cups water (that is one and a half cups)
• 4 tablespoons all purpose flour
• 1 cup sugar
• 2 teaspoons vanilla
• 5 tablespoons butter, cut into 5 pieces

Chocolate Mayo Cake

• 1 cup white sugar
• 1 cup mayonnaise
• 4 teaspoons cocoa
• 2 cups flour
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• ¾ cup water
• 2 teaspoons vanilla

Peanut Butter Stuffed Onions

• 3 large yellow or white onions
• 4 Tbsps. bread crumbs (or stale bread broken up into crumbs)
• 2 Tbsps. peanut butter

Dandelion Salad

• 1 dozen foraged dandelions
• Juice of 1 lemon
• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• Salt to taste

War Cake

• 3 cups flour
• 2 teaspoons baking soda
• 2 cups (white granulated) sugar
• 1 cup raisins
• 2 tablespoons cinnamon
• 2 tablespoons leftover fat
• 2 cups water